I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
