i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
