see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
