I puked a lego.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
