Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
