I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
