My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize