So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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