Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
