I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
