I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
