NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
