Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
