my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
