He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
pray to the hookup gods
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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