I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
