Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
