What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We need a shit load of segways right now
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
