You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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