I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
