So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
oh god the rape fog is back!
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
