how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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