HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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