Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
