he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
