I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
