it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
My balls are so social today.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
