3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize