My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
