a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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