She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
