Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
