I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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