I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
