Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
