You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Randomize
