There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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