Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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