Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
