Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
