Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
