I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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