So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
