Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
And then the night went full on bisexual.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize