And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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