Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
