the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
