he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
