you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
