She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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