It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
