Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
