I wish I could teleport
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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