i just wanna soil my oats bro
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It's rum buckets o'clock
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
