The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
