So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
