Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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