More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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