did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
