oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana