My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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