Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(845): View more from New York

I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.

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(845): I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick. http://tfl.nu/cye7

Replies (9) Good night (4173) Bad night (788)
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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?

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(709): so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much? http://tfl.nu/jwju

Replies (23) Good night (7318) Bad night (1147)
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(856): View more from New Jersey

Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.

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(856): Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend. http://tfl.nu/zfxw

Replies (10) Good night (3610) Bad night (745)
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(404): View more from Georgia

Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.

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(404): Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio. http://tfl.nu/i1ck

Replies (8) Good night (2796) Bad night (1223)
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(651): View more from Minnesota

All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"

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(651): All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!" http://tfl.nu/l7i0

Replies (6) Good night (5943) Bad night (1378)
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(925): View more from California

He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.

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(925): He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there. http://tfl.nu/tyej

Replies (14) Good night (4179) Bad night (1033)
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(208): View more from Idaho

he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"

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(208): he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something" http://tfl.nu/rcyf

Replies (26) Good night (7665) Bad night (1434)
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(+45): View more from Denmark

Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.

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(+45): Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars. http://tfl.nu/6p4j

Replies (1) Good night (1126) Bad night (2677)
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(920): View more from Wisconsin

I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense

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(920): I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense http://tfl.nu/23hg

Replies (5) Good night (2809) Bad night (814)
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(310): View more from California

My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...

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(310): My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope... http://tfl.nu/89fe

Replies (11) Good night (3180) Bad night (1210)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here

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(615): you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here http://tfl.nu/rzkr

Replies (2) Good night (1202) Bad night (462)
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(360): View more from Washington

And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things

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(360): And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things http://tfl.nu/rkjt

Replies (5) Good night (955) Bad night (457)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.

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(919): There is an alarming amount of food in my bra. http://tfl.nu/bxub

Replies (0) Good night (491) Bad night (532)
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(843): View more from South Carolina

If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.

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(843): If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick. http://tfl.nu/pvhu

Replies (4) Good night (647) Bad night (191)
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(505): View more from New Mexico

While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.

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(505): While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward. http://tfl.nu/1ura

Replies (3) Good night (514) Bad night (166)

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