do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
