Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.