I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
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