It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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