I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
