Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
