i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
