So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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