some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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