You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
