whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
