He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
