So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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