i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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