Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
