i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
only i would get off to receiving death threats online