The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.