Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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