i always forget guys have bellybuttons
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?