I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
