You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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