Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
