he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
