I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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