This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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