He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
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He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
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I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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